From the Beginning
by Brawbricht
Summary: Another Version of how Caroline and Kate got together written at a gentle pace. Thanks for all the kind feedback.
1. Chapter 1

Dr Caroline Elliot sat behind her desk and stared out of the window watching the last stragglers leaving the school as another week came to a close at Sulgrave Heath, the independent school of which she had been the proud headmistress for the last seven years. At 45 Dr. Elliot had a reputation for a keen intellect; exceptional leadership skills and a steely-eyed stare from her clear blue eyes that could quickly quell even the most unruly schoolroom behavior.

This was the professional face of Caroline Elliot, an image she had worked hard to build and one she knew how to sustain. But it wasn't all facade, importantly a fiercely intelligent and a very strong and capable woman lay at the heart of this image making her a very successful headmistress.

As she reviewed the scene from her window Caroline had to admit to herself that the private face of Dr. Elliot had lately become much less clear and may even be starting to crumble under the strain. Her marriage of 20 years to John Elliot, a writer and University, lecturer had been rocky for some time but she had still been stunned when a few weeks ago he had calmly announced that he was leaving her to move in with another woman. Apart from the personal feeling of betrayal Caroline was appalled at the effect it may have on their two boys, William who was studying for his A levels and Lawrence who at 15 was at an age where he still didn't quite understand the complexities of adult relationships, even if he did try and pretend otherwise. Caroline was a fantastic mother adored by both of her boys and even in such a state of personal turmoil their welfare was paramount in her mind.

But now, sitting alone at the end of the week she allowed her personal feelings of rejection and inadequacy to take over. She had never considered herself to be very attractive, she didn't easily make friends and she feared that with John gone and the boys rapidly moving towards university she may be facing some very lonely times ahead.

Kate McKenzie, standing in the entrance hall of the main school building watched a very similar scene to Caroline but with some very different thoughts. Kate taught modern languages and as an extra curricular activity indulged her passion for music by playing the chapel organ and leading the school choirs. At 41 Kate had been married but when her relationship with Richard broke down she had finally admitted to herself that fundamentally she was more attracted to women than to men. In her heart of hearts she knew that her future lay in a loving and fulfilling relationship with a woman.

But therein lay Kate's problem because she had to admit to herself that she was smitten, indeed that she had got it bad, and that the object of her affections, no the object of her desire, let's be honest she thought, was none other than the magnificent headmistress of Sulgrave Heath, Dr. Caroline Elliot.

Magnificent was Kate's adjective of choice when describing Caroline but now she asked herself why? Well Caroline was beautiful, but she seemed to be completely unaware of the fact. She certainly used her wardrobe to accentuate the positive, what smart woman didn't, but Kate believed that Caroline saw this almost as a 'uniform' she donned as headmistress and not how beautiful and magnificent (there I go again thought Kate) it made her look. To see Caroline stride down the corridors in her elegant suits and heels, to watch as her hips swayed and to be able to admire those shapely legs certainly made her day but really what made Caroline magnificent was her beautiful face with those stunning clear blue eyes that cut right to the core of Kate McKenzie and often clean took her breath away.

Kate had come to know Caroline slightly better than her role in the school might have normally indicated through Caroline's support for the school choir. From these encounters Kate believed her passion to be a lost cause, Caroline was married with a husband and two sons, how much more evidence that Caroline was straight did Kate need. To protect herself from heartache Kate knew she should leave well alone and ensure that there was no more than normal professional contact between her and Caroline. Given that Kate wasn't even a head of department let alone a deputy head it should be possible to keep contact to a minimum.

In the past couple of weeks though Kate had sensed a change in Caroline's demeanour, nothing too overt but because Kate watched her so closely she was sure there was something different. Sometimes Caroline seemed to be there but not there, and if the pain Kate thought she detected in Caroline's eyes on those occasions was real than Caroline was in need of a friend. Kate thought she was probably being very presumptuous in this conclusion, Caroline would have close friends to whom she could turn in times of trouble but…

Kate was a kind hearted caring person and she didn't like seeing anyone in pain without offering support, she didn't know what her true feelings for Caroline were but she was willing to risk her own peace of mind to try and help the headmistress.

Kate retraced her steps in the school making her way up to the headmistress's office. Beverly, Caroline's PA, had already left for the day so the normal first level of defence was missing but still Caroline's door was closed. Kate convinced herself that she wouldn't be in a meeting at this time on a Friday and gently knocked on the wood panel.

Thinking that everyone had gone home Caroline was surprised to hear the knock on her door. She considered not replying and hoping that the visitor would go away but feared that they may try the door next and then she would just look foolish sitting silently in her office.

'Come in' she called

Kate came through the door and smiled. Kate McKenzie thought Caroline, aren't you beautiful when you smile. This thought was so unexpected that Caroline was sure the shock of it must show on her face. She quickly put on her glasses to cover her confusion. Where the hell did that come from she thought, I haven't looked at a woman like that in over 25 years.

'You're working late Kate, is there anything wrong' she asked.

Kate looked a little hesitant and felt more than a little foolish but she was here now and some lame excuse would only make her look silly.

'Caroline, I'm sorry if this is an intrusion and I know its not normal for a teacher to approach you in this way but, I think I've got to know you a little over our discussions around the choir and music and so on….'

Caroline looked quizzical. Kate swallowed and continued.

'The thing is Caroline I've noticed in the last few weeks that there have been times when you have been a bit distracted and on those occasions I sensed you may be unhappy no, more than that, I sensed you were truly suffering. I may be being presumptuous but I am not being nosey or prurient, I just wondered if you needed somebody to talk to….'

Caroline was taken aback. Normally an approach like this from a member of staff would have brought down the Dr. Elliot shutters and they would have been frozen by an icy stare from her flashing blue eyes. But Caroline had to admit to herself that she had just spent a good half hour wallowing in self pity based on the lack of friends in whom she could confide. It must have taken one hell of a lot of courage on Kate's part to make this overture and instinctively Caroline felt she could trust this woman.

I may be about to make a mistake Caroline thought but the news of John leaving me will get out through the boys if nothing else and I need someone to talk to. On the spur of the moment Caroline smiled, a little weakly but a smile nonetheless, and decided to open the door on her marriage break up, maybe just a crack.


	2. Chapter 2

Caroline and Kate had met up a few times out of school for a drink since that Friday when Kate had plucked up the courage to storm the normally impregnable defences of Dr. Elliot.

For Kate, even though the meetings had largely been about Caroline's issues, Caroline's pain, they had allowed her to be in Caroline's company, to enjoy just looking at her beautiful face, and to notice that even when dimmed with pain those eyes were still like two deep pools of liquid blue in which she could so easily lose herself.

Kate had also managed to see a side of Caroline that few others ever saw. True Caroline was self centered and not a little arrogant but Kate was sure there was also a caring woman in there who had never had the chance to flourish and who saw expressing her emotions to all but her immediate family as a sign of weakness. Kate wasn't sure why Caroline was like this but she was trying to steadily chip away at the surface of the fearsome Dr. Elliot by offering her as warm a friendship as she could without exposing her own tumult of emotions.

For Caroline the friendship offered by Kate had been a lifeline. After very gingerly testing the water by telling Kate that John had left she had been blown away by Kate's kindness and solicitude. So few people had ever given or even offered her support like that, she supposed she must give off some kind of signal that kept people at bay. Kate though had seen through her smoke screen and had been there, to listen, to ask just the right questions and to say just the right things.

More than this though Caroline had started to feel the stirrings of a very real attraction to the dark beauty of Kate McKenzie. Only once before had Caroline felt like this and that was way back in her first year at University. Back then, confused and unsure she had confided in her mother only to receive a completely negative response and to be warned that she should tell no one else in case it ruined her life and ostracized her from her friends and family.

Still being very young Caroline had taken her mothers advice, broken off her friendship and buried herself in her work. Then along had come John, John who had been fun in the early years and with whom she could have the children she so dearly wanted. So for more than 25 years she had ignored what she knew to be true, she was attracted to women, to their fine bones and glorious curves, to their tender smiles and gentle laughter.

Caroline was concerned by her growing feelings for Kate, in her position as headmistress she had to be extremely careful. Kate had given her no indication of being more than friendly and as far as Caroline knew Kate had had a husband so was presumably straight. Laughing slightly to herself she did see the obvious flaw in this argument as exactly the same could be said about herself yet she was slowly coming round to accepting that this wasn't the truth as far as Dr. Caroline Elliot was concerned.

Nonetheless, Caroline was too reserved to express her feelings, very aware of the potential repercussions in a work environment of a bosses overt advances to a member of their staff and to be honest just too plain scared of losing the warmth she got from being in Kate's company if only for a friendly chat.


	3. Chapter 3

Caroline and Kate had agreed to meet for a drink after school and maybe grab a bite to eat. Kate stood waiting in the main entrance of the school for Caroline to join her. She saw Caroline move down the main central staircase talking to one of her deputy heads. Kate allowed herself to relish this opportunity of admiring Caroline from afar while she herself remained unnoticed.

It was early spring and Caroline had abandoned her heavy winter coat in favour of a beautifully tailored fine wool suit with a knee length skirt and a jacket that reached just below the waist. As Caroline stopped at the bottom of the staircase for a final word with her deputy Kate allowed her eyes to take in the beauty of her headmistress, the extremely shapely legs accentuated by those crazy high heeled shoes, the curve of her hips tightly encased in that figure hugging skirt and the hint of cleavage adding alluring femininity to a rather severe striped blouse, the fine lines of her face and the glory of her beautiful blonde hair.

Kate started to imagine what Caroline might look like without clothes and was getting rather too involved in her train of thought when Caroline suddenly turned and made eye contact with her.

'Oh shit' thought Kate 'Caroline must have seen the look on my face, she must have seen that I was mentally undressing her, how could I have been so careless and so bloody stupid'

Caroline was stunned. The look on Kate's face had spoken volumes. 'She was ogling me' thought Caroline and then just as quickly she thought 'Don't be so bloody stupid, this is just wishful thinking'.

Caroline walked purposefully towards Kate and even though Kate daren't show even by a flicker of an eyelid what she was feeling she had to acknowledge to herself once again the magnificence that was Caroline Elliot and the oh so entrancing sway of her hips.

'Hello Kate, had a good day, ready to relax'

'Yes, I certainly am, where shall we eat'.

After dinner Caroline drove Kate back to the school to pick up her car. Caroline was worried that she was too self absorbed in her meetings with Kate and all evening had tried to steer clear of talking about John, and about her distress at the break up of her marriage but now at the end of the day her pain bubbled to the surface and overwhelmed her. She turned her head to look out of the car window hoping that Kate wouldn't see how close to tears she was, this was so damned unprofessional.

Swallowing hard Kate reached out and took Caroline's hand off the steering wheel, gently held it in both of hers and without further thought gently kissed Caroline's palm.

'Caroline, I can't hide what I am feeling any longer. I find you very attractive and I like being with you. When you hurt as you obviously do at this moment I just want to reach out and touch you, give you comfort, show you affection…. Oh for a language teacher I am getting awfully tongue tied.'

Caroline had frozen in shock at Kate's action, in all her life she had never been faced with a situation quite like this one and she didn't know what to do next.

Kate watched in horror as Caroline withdrew her hand, withdrew herself and firmly brought down the Dr. Elliot shutters.

'Thank you for your company this evening Kate, goodnight'

'Caroline, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything; I didn't mean to embarrass you.

'Goodnight Kate'

There was no more to be said, Kate grabbed her bag and exited the car.

Caroline started the engine and moved quickly away from the car park leaving Kate feeling like a schoolgirl who has just been summarily dismissed by the headmistress for bad behavior.

As she drove away Caroline's heart was racing, her palm still tingled where Kate's lips had so briefly rested. All of her senses were screaming at her to turn round, to go back, to let herself admit how attractive she too found the other woman.

Once she was sure she was beyond the route Kate would follow to get home Caroline stopped the car and rested her head on the steering wheel.

Well now at least she knew the truth. Kate McKenzie was gay and glory be she had a crush on her, on Dr. Caroline Elliot the woman who had always believed herself to be unlovable.

So what, now, she knew Kate was attracted to her, she had known for some time that she was attracted to Kate but she had also known that she would never have had the courage to do anything about her feelings if Kate hadn't made the first overture.

Even now that Kate had spoken Caroline was still uncertain, she wasn't sure of her feelings and she didn't really know how far she wanted this thing to go. But when Kate had spoken Caroline couldn't deny her heart had leapt.

Right now though she had to work out what she was going to do next. Recognizing that blind panic had made her behave very badly in the car she had to think carefully before doing anything else, whatever happened; she knew that she cared too much to lose Kate's friendship.


	4. Chapter 4

Kate drove herself home tears streaming unchecked down her face. There was no hysterical sobbing just a feeling of emptiness and of deep-rooted sadness. Kate really cared about Caroline and wanted to be … what? Her friend, yes but, in her heart Kate knew she wanted much more than this and it was this deeper want that had driven Kate to speak out tonight. Kate feared however that in allowing her feelings to override her better judgment she had made a fool of herself.

Once home Kate washed her face and sat down to consider what the consequences of this evening might be.

She reminded herself forcibly that never by any word, or deed, or look had Caroline ever shown anything more than friendship towards her. To be honest friendship may even be a little on the optimistic side. Caroline was incredibly reserved and even though over the past few weeks she had started to open up a little to Kate it was only on rare occasions that Kate had seen the hurt and distress that John had caused.. In truth Caroline had largely remained masked behind what Kate had come to call her 'Dr. Elliot' persona. Caroline had taken all that Kate offered in the way of friendship and support but had offered little or nothing in return.

So why, why on earth, when she believed Caroline to be straight and when Caroline had continued to be so reserved in her company had she so stupidly blurted out her feelings.

What had she said?

'I find you very attractive'

'I just want to reach out and touch you'

Kate groaned at the memory. She had seen the look on Caroline's face immediately after those fateful words were spoken, she knew Caroline had fully understood their meaning, there was no way back by claiming a misunderstanding.

Kate shook her head. This was ridiculous. She wasn't out and proud as such, she believed her private life was exactly that, private, but neither was she some scared young thing that wanted to try and jump back in the closet after her first attempt at coming out.

Kate McKenzie was a mature woman who had accepted her sexuality and was comfortable with her choice of lifestyle. Kate had always stood up for her beliefs and never been afraid to defend her opinions, she wasn't going to start hiding who she was now. Kate had declared her feelings for Caroline and there was no way she was going to try and take back what she had said or to try and pretend her meaning had been misunderstood.

Over the weekend Kate thought about the future. She believed she had blown her friendship with Caroline and this caused her some very real pain. Not only from her own point of view but also because she worried that Caroline really didn't have a strong support network and that however much she had been unable to show it, that Caroline did take solace from the time Kate spent with her.

She didn't believe Caroline would make things difficult for Kate at school. Caroline may be reserved and appear to be very 'straight laced' but Kate had always felt she was reasonably open-minded with no homophobic tendencies.

She did however think that Caroline would be horribly embarrassed next time they came face to face, she knew she was going to be and that she would do everything to delay that first meeting for as long as possible. Although she felt this tactic was a bit cowardly, in this situation she truly believed that avoiding Caroline for a while was the better part of valour.

The question she found hardest to answer however was whether the level of embarrassment they would both feel would make working together, even at arms length, too hard in the long run. She would just have to wait and see how things panned out. If they could get back to a normal working relationship with the appropriate amount of professional distance between them then all well and good otherwise she knew she would be the one looking for another position.

Slowly, without Kate realizing it, the tears again began to form in her beautiful dark eyes and then to spill over and run silently down her cheeks.

…..

The boys were away for the weekend, William staying with friends in the Lake District and Lawrence at a rugby tournament with the school. John obviously was no longer in the picture so apart from a couple of very brief visits from her mother Caroline had plenty of time to think about Kate McKenzie and to decide what she was going to do next.

Caroline had grown up in a house where her parents only spoke to each other when absolutely necessary and where they never exhibited any love or affection between them; Caroline had come to believe this was normal. She had then been trained as a scientist and taught that problem solving was a logical process where all emotion must be eliminated. Finally, at a relatively young age she had reached a senior position in her chosen career, a position where her decisions could and did impact on the lives of those that worked for her, this had tended to isolate her and prevent her from establishing any strong relationships.

But Caroline was no fool, she recognized these failings in herself. She knew she was repressed, she had even described herself as emotionally crippled, but she also knew she could express deep emotions when she felt safe. This was best exhibited with her boys, she had no trouble letting them know how deeply they were loved how much she cared but then they were her children and she had no fear of rejection.

She needed to work out exactly how she felt about Kate McKenzie and once she understood that she needed to assess how much she was prepared to risk if she wanted to take this friendship further.

'Caroline Elliot, for Gods sake' she thought 'you are not writing a scientific protocol or a report to the Board of Governors. Open the deep dark recesses of your heart and let your feelings out, just this once, you may not get another chance'.

Slowly Caroline allowed her mind to form a clear picture of Kate McKenzie.

Kate was a beautiful woman, tall and slender with an exquisite face and glorious dark eyes but her true glory was an inner serenity that shone from her and intensified her physical beauty. Kate was smart; she had excellent qualifications, spoke three languages fluently and was a highly skilled musician. As a teacher she was a force to be reckoned with, motivating her students to learn through understanding rather than by rote. Even the most difficult of students usually benefitted from a lesson taken by Kate McKenzie.

Caroline loved being in Kate's company, she found her composure intoxicating, it cast an atmosphere of peace and calm in which Caroline could relax and begin to come to terms with her turbulent emotions.

'You may not get another chance…..' she repeated to herself 'all you've done so far is write her a rather florid job reference, open your heart and tell yourself what you feel for her'

Caroline fought her inner battle of logic against emotion for most of the weekend but slowly, almost reluctantly she did open her heart and tease out her feelings for Kate. The memory of Kate holding and then kissing her hand sent a shiver through her body. Thoughts of further physical contact, of having Kate in her arms, of kissing Kate, were exciting and entrancing.

What she came to learn about herself and her feelings for Kate told her that she was prepared to risk a lot to take their friendship further.

The question she found hardest to answer however was whether her courage would fail her at the last moment and whether when she was again faced with the beauty of Kate McKenzie would the normally eloquent Dr. Elliot become a stumbling, stuttering wreck and bolt for cover. She only knew she wanted to make the attempt as soon as possible so that her arrogant behaviour on Friday evening wasn't allowed to create a barrier between her and Kate that could never be overcome.


	5. Chapter 5

In the past Kate had liked to try and catch site of Caroline at least once a day as they moved about the school. It wasn't always possible but when she did manage to see her between classes it lifted her spirits for the rest of the day. Today the realization of just how silly this behavior had been hit Kate full force and she wondered at how besotted she had become with her headmistress. At least what she had learned about Caroline's routines would help today as she reversed her previous actions and took every step possible to avoid meeting Caroline unexpectedly in the corridors of Sulgrave Heath.

Caroline's first task on arriving at school was to check the timetables against her diary. As usual she had meetings throughout the day but she was prepared to bear the wrath of Beverly and ask for her schedule to be rearranged so that she could match her free time with Kate's first free period. For once though fortune was on her side and she had a gap in her diary that exactly coincided with Kate being available.

Caroline's nervous energy hit new heights as she waited for just the right time to have Beverly go find Kate and ask her to come to the headmistresses office. Every sense in her body seemed to be in overdrive and her heart was beating so hard she was worried something might actually be wrong with her.

Having dispatched Beverly on her mission Caroline stood at her office window and tried to calm herself by going over in her head what she wanted to say to Kate. She was jolted from this reverie by a knock at her door and turned to see Kate McKenzie standing just inside her office.

Kate was as beautiful as ever but today she did not look as tranquil as normal and there was just a hint of trepidation in her eyes. That Kate could in any way be scared of coming to see her appalled Caroline and she suddenly realized that she should have arranged this meeting in a less formal environment. An unexpected summons to the headmistress's office was always approached by her staff with care. On this occasion, after what had happened when they last met, Caroline realized Kate must have had a few uneasy moments on her way to the office.

Caroline now kicked herself for this error of judgment, in part she put this down to her haste to see Kate once she had decided what she wanted to do but, being honest with herself, she also knew that she had chosen to meet with Kate in her office because there she could feel more in control of a situation that in truth scared her as well.

'Kate, please do come in and sit down' Caroline pointed to a chair near where she was standing.

Somewhat to Kate's surprise Caroline did not retreat behind her desk, instead she pulled a chair towards her from the meeting table and sat down obliquely beside Kate. Her position was carefully chosen so that she and Kate could look at each other while they talked without there being any barrier between them.

'Kate…I want to apologise….'

'Caroline….I'm sorry if I…..'

Both women started to talk at once, both stopped simultaneously and smiled.

'Sorry, Caroline after you'.

'Kate, I want to apologise for my behavior on Friday night. I have to admit you took me by surprise but there is no excuse for the way I treated you after everything you have done for me. What you said was very kind, flattering even and I responded very boorishly, I am sorry.'

Kate looked down at her hands clasped in her lap.

'Oh no' she thought 'the polite brush off'

'I am very sorry' repeated Caroline

Believing that the conversation was at an end and she was about to be dismissed from Caroline's presence Kate raised her chin to look Caroline in the eye.

'No way am I going head down as if I am ashamed' thought Kate.

As their eyes met Kate stopped breathing. For the first time Caroline was showing some very real emotion and the gaze she was bestowing on the language teacher was full of longing and tenderness.

Kate was confused.

She had come to the headmistress's office not knowing what to expect, it certainly hadn't been an apology from Caroline nor such a gentle unspoken caress from the older woman's beautiful clear blue eyes.

Kate had thought she would be the one having to offer an apology for having embarrassed her boss but that was obviously not expected or required. Caroline didn't look in any way offended by what had passed between them but Kate was having a hard time interpreting what Caroline was actually trying to say, her words were polite but non-committal, only her eyes gave Kate hope.

'Caroline, I can't regret what I said because I meant it, every word of it but I do regret that in saying it I made you uncomfortable. I hope …..'

'Kate, Kate stop' Caroline leant forward and took Kate's hand in hers; such a simple gesture but for Kate time stood still.

'Kate, you really only know me as the headmistress of Sulgrave Heath. My fault I admit because I do everything possible to prevent people seeing the woman behind the headmistress. Yes I was surprised by what you said in the car but it was my own inability to handle emotion that drove me away from you on Friday, every fiber of my being was telling me to turn round and go back. You have never, ever made me feel uncomfortable.'

Kate listened enraptured, frightened to move or to say anything in case she scared Caroline into silence, she sensed that these confessions were taking a great effort of will on Caroline's part and that her courage could give out at any moment.

Caroline gently passed her thumb back and forwards across the back of Kate's hand and looked deeply into Kate's dark eyes.

'Kate I couldn't bear to lose your friendship'

'Oh no' thought Kate 'not a brush off but _friendship_, is that going to be all'

Caroline continued 'and when I look into my heart, when I can find it that is, I know I feel more than friendship for you. Kate, I find putting my feelings into words very difficult so if I can steal some from a woman who is so much smarter than I am..'

Caroline smiled gently and then continued.

'I like you a lot Kate, I like being with you and when I am with you I just want to reach out and touch you and show you affection….'

In almost exactly echoing Kate's own words spoken in the car on Friday evening Caroline had made her feelings very plain. More than that she had set them on an equal footing in this very personal relationship.

Continuing to look directly into the younger woman's eyes Caroline leant forward and shyly kissed Kate McKenzie for the very first time.


	6. Chapter 6

The magnificent Caroline Elliot crumbled.

As her lips parted from Kate's after that first gentle kiss she looked very unsure of herself. Slightly flushed she tried to speak but could only manage a few stuttered words.

'I…uh….what must…mmm ….I shouldn't….uh…Kate, sorry'

My beautiful Caroline thought Kate, why are you so scared.

Softly Kate cupped Caroline's face in her hands and lifted her chin so that their eyes met, black velvet looked into azure blue

This close Kate realized for the first time what expressive eyes Caroline had, she watched transfixed as they showed all of the emotion Caroline was finding it so hard to put into words.

'Caroline you have beautiful eyes, they truly are the window to your soul'

Caroline tried again to speak but could only stare mutely into the beautiful face of Kate McKenzie. She had managed to tell Kate how she felt, that had all gone pretty much to plan. Kissing Kate had been a totally spontaneous action and it had thrown her completely off balance.

Kate's hands dropped from Caroline's face but she wasn't going to relinquish all contact as she suspected that Caroline might flee behind her desk at the first opportunity. Kate took hold of Caroline's hands and sat patiently waiting for the older woman to calm down.

Finally Caroline managed to pull together a reasonably articulate sentence.

'I'm sorry Kate. I got carried away, kissing you was….well….I…it wasn't planned, I wasn't trying to take advantage.

'Caroline, calm down, the kiss …your kiss was lovely'

'Was it?'

'Yes, in fact I'd very much like to try it again but I think that might be a bit too much for your composure right now?.

'Uh…yes possibly' said Caroline with a self-effacing grin.

'Caroline, I could see how much effort it took for you to tell me how you felt; I can't say how much it has meant that you made that effort. On Friday night I thought I had blown our friendship. I thought I had just come on to my straight boss and I was scared that you…, that we might find it too difficult to work together any longer and that I might need to look for another position. I like teaching here Caroline, this a fantastic school under your leadership but, what made my weekend so miserable was the thought that I would no longer be able to be with you, to sit with you, to watch the light dance in your glorious eyes or just to look at your beautiful face'.

'Kate, how can you say things like that, express so much emotion and feeling so easily, it took me most of the weekend just to come up with a few garbled phrases.'

'I know this isn't easy for you Caroline but there really is no need to be scared, we can take this at any pace you want. Let's just pick up where we left off last Friday but this week, after we've eaten can we go somewhere and talk. Your office really isn't the most appropriate place for us, particularly if you are going to become prone to unplanned activity, however pleasant it may be.'

Caroline stared at Kate then both women burst into laughter.

'Deal' said Caroline 'Friday night, dinner and talk.'

Kate gave Caroline's hands a final squeeze and judging the moment perfectly lightly brushed her lips against Caroline's cheek. As Kate got up and walked towards the door Caroline followed her with her eyes, allowing herself a little more freedom of imagination than previously.

Just before opening the office door Kate swung round and smiling said.

'It's a date'

And then she was gone.

'Oh my God' thought Caroline and realizing the full implications of Kate's parting words she had to grab her desk for support.


	7. Chapter 7

Caroline and Kate had had a leisurely dinner during which they had talked and laughed easily about the trivia of their working lives. Kate knew Caroline was nervous and she purposely tried to keep the conversation light and to be as amusing as possible in order to relieve some of the tension.

As Caroline started to relax her eyes danced with pleasure at some of the absurd staff room stories Kate was telling. 'I was right' thought Kate ' I couldn't bear not being able to see the light dance in those glorious eyes or to look at this woman's beautiful face.

Although Kate didn't realize it Caroline's thoughts were moving along very similar lines. The older woman was well aware of how much effort Kate was making to ensure this was a relaxed and enjoyable occasion. 'I'm so lucky' thought Caroline 'to have this kind, compassionate and beautiful woman show this amount of interest in me'.

After dinner Kate asked Caroline back to her house for coffee. The invitation sent a thrill of anticipation through Caroline rapidly followed by a flash of terror. Kate sensed Caroline's apprehension and reached out to touch her hand.

'We said dinner and talk Caroline, there is nothing to be anxious about'

'Yes, sorry' said Caroline smiling briefly 'silly of me'

Caroline had never been in Kate's house before but she felt comfortable almost immediately. Like its owner the house had an air of peace and tranquility that quickly started to influence Caroline's mood.

Coffee made Kate sat down beside Caroline and looked tenderly at her

'Are you ready to talk?'

Surprisingly Caroline was, she told Kate all about how she had fallen in love when she first went away to University, how she and Lynn had spent an idyllic first term together until Caroline had come home for the Christmas break. Thrilled with her new found love Caroline has spoken to her mother about her friend Lynn on may occasions during that trip home and had finally confided the full extent of her feelings. Watching her intently Kate saw the joy and delight in the memory of her first love light up Caroline's face only to see it rapidly replaced by a look of pain and loss as she described for the first time to anyone the full excoriating revulsion that Celia, her mother, had expressed on hearing Caroline's confidence. Celia had condemned the relationship as unnatural, had warned Caroline not to speak of it to anyone else and threatened to disown her if she ever publicly acknowledged she was gay.

'My mother scared me so much, made me feel so guilty about my love for Lynn I broke it off with her as soon as I returned to college' said Caroline as a tear slowly trickled down her face.

Kate was deeply touched to see this strong woman cry as she spoke of an experience that was obviously still emotionally raw even after more than two decades. Kate ached for the years Caroline had carried this burden without being able to tell anyone of her pain. Gently brushing aside Caroline's tears Kate sat in companionable silence waiting for the older woman to continue.

After some time Caroline started to talk of John and their years together. Over the past few weeks Kate had seen some of the anguish John had caused but never to the extent that Caroline now confided.

'I was a good wife to him Kate, I thought we had a good marriage. When the boys came along and we both got caught up in them, in family life and in our careers maybe we did lose some focus on our relationship but I just thought that was normal. I have never been unfaithful to John and had he not left me I don't think I ever would have been. I don't do casual. But John did leave me and I have to ask myself if this was that the first time in all those years that he was unfaithful, have I been being deceived all this time'

'All I do know' Caroline continued 'is that our marriage is dead and it has left me feeling…..oh, useless, hopeless…..worthless'

Caroline took a deep breath and said.

'Kate I am attracted to women, I have know this about myself since I was 18 but I have buried it deep out of fear. I am very attracted to you; I find your physical presence exciting and disturbing but all the while I am conscious of the possible impact this could have on my boys and on my mother. To be honest I am also aware that public opinion can still be fickle even in 2012 and I really don't want to be talked about in the staff room at school and particularly not in the class rooms.'

'I needed to tell you all of this Kate so you could understand why I seem to be so inept at relationships and why us being together won't be easy.'

Caroline looked questioningly at Kate to see how her confidences had been received, had she painted such a black picture that Kate would only want to run for cover rather than embarking on a relationship that would at best be turbulent and at worst could be heart breaking. Caroline knew she had taken a risk in being quite so candid but she did believe in honesty and as she had said she didn't do casual. She had wanted Kate to fully understand what she might be taking on before they began.

Kate looked deeply into Caroline's eye's reading the turbulent emotions that the older woman was experiencing as she sat waiting for an answer.

Taking Caroline's face in her hands Kate brought their lips together in a kiss of warmth and tenderness, a kiss told Caroline everything she needed to know.

As Kate pulled back gently to check Caroline's reaction she was delighted to be caught by the shoulders and pulled back into a fierce embrace. Caroline wrapped her arms around Kate and kissed her with heat rather than warmth, with passion rather than tenderness, it was a kiss that set both women's senses reeling.

'Dr. Elliot I believe you have hidden depths' exclaimed Kate slightly breathless as they finally pulled apart.

Caroline smiled but Kate could tell that she was tired, the evening had taken its toll and Caroline needed time to recover.

Gently grazing Caroline's lips with her own she pulled the older woman into her arms and sat quietly holding her, both women at peace in each others company.


	8. Chapter 8

Kate McKenzie sat at home thinking back over the past few weeks. They had been turbulent weeks during which she had been both elated and despairing in equal measure. Truth to tell she felt as if she was riding an emotional roller coaster, where Caroline was dictating the course of the ride and she was powerless to get off.

From Kate's despair after she told the older woman how she felt about her for the first time Kate had been lifted to the heights of elation by Caroline's own nervous admission of a mutual attraction.

Their following meeting at Kate's house had been wonderful but Caroline was so scared of the path she was following it hurt Kate to watch, For the first time though Caroline had lowered her guard enough to allow Kate to see some of the raw and painful emotion that made Caroline Elliot the woman she was. Being exceptionally open and honest Caroline had also allowed Kate the opportunity to back away before she became too committed and risked being hurt – Kate knew she was already too involved with Caroline to take this last chance of safety but hoped that she would never regret the decision she made that evening.

On the following Monday, the world had turned upside down when Caroline had again called her to her office. This time Caroline had been the consummate professional keeping the desk between herself and Kate.

The message Caroline had delivered had torn at Kate's heart

'John turned up on Saturday; he wants to move back in'.

'So I said yes for the boys sake'.

Kate had tried to argue, Caroline had stumbled slightly and then disclosed a deeper truth behind her decision than just securing a family for her boys, in doing so she delivered what seemed to be the death knell of all Kate's hopes.

'I'm very fond of you…..obviously we can be friends…..but uhm, the other thing,…..I'm just not ready to go there '.

While Caroline's expressive eyes were full of compassion she was also obviously resolute. The older woman claimed it was to bring her family back together, for the sake of her boys but Kate had seen the reality, it was a safe retreat for Caroline and meant she didn't have to be confronted with who she actually was, she could safely bury it deep once more.

Kate had managed to maintain her composure through her next lesson but once over she had made her way to the deserted locker room and had broken down and wept both in sorrow and in anger.

Kate knew she had moved beyond simple infatuation, admittedly it had started with a purely physical attraction to Caroline's looks but over the weeks it had grown into something deeper and more tangible. Why this had happened Kate was at a loss to understand, she and Caroline really hadn't developed any form of relationship between them in fact it had always seemed to be all very one sided, Kate the giver, Caroline the receiver. But it was the odd glimpse that Kate had had of what she thought of as the real Caroline that had won her heart and she had been determined to let that real woman out of her self-imposed prison. Kate was in love, she couldn't pretend otherwise to herself, and she wept tears of sorrow at her loss.

Anger was an emotion Kate tried not to give in to always feeling that to do so was self-indulgent and that her energies could usually be put to better use. In this instance though anger had followed quickly on sorrow and she comforted herself by railing against the casual way in which Caroline had treated her.

'I don't do casual' Caroline had said

'Well you damn well did with me Dr. Elliot' thought Kate her temper rising at the hypocrisy of Caroline and how the older woman had used her.

Kate was still angry with Caroline when Michael Dobson had found her and coaxed her into being indiscreet about the cause of her distress. Kate thought she had seen a sudden flash of something in Michael's eye when she had disclosed her relationship with Caroline but she dismissed the thought as being fanciful and accepted what comfort he was able to offer.

Once Kate calmed down a little she felt honour bound to let Caroline know that she had possibly been too open about their time together but she saw no reason to put herself under the withering stare of her headmistress so, taking the cowards way out, she had opted to slip a note into Caroline's bag rather than delivering her message face to face.

This had resulted in a scathing phone call from Caroline followed by a very uncomfortable interrogation by the headmistress as they had walked between classes at school the next day. Caroline had said she wasn't angry with her but Caroline's expressive eyes had said she was hurt and disappointed and for Kate that was almost harder to bear.

The next few days had been ones of deep despair as she and Caroline passed each other in the corridors of Sulgrave Heath like strangers, then on Sunday the roller coaster ride started to move up again when Caroline called out of the blue, she was distraught at having found out John was still entangled with his 'other woman'.

'Don't look so bloody desperate' Kate chided herself but helpless against Caroline's magnetism she had gone like a moth to the flame in answer to the call.

They had sat in the garden nursing steaming mugs of coffee while Caroline poured out her anguish and, as ever, took all the support Kate could offer.

Sitting there feeling like a punch bag for Caroline's anger Kate's patience finally snapped, she could no longer tolerate the way Caroline was still take, take, taking as if it were her right with no thought of her, Kate, as an individual with needs of her own, In anger Kate managed to overcome the pull Caroline had on her heart and for once told Caroline a few home truths about the way she had treated her recently. Caroline's apology was heartfelt and very honest even if delivered in the clipped tones of her best headmistress voice.

'This bloody woman is so controlled, so rigid she can't even apologize without making it sound like a speech to the Board of Governors' thought Kate. But then Kate looked into those magnificent blue eyes and saw the truth behind the words and her heart melted. She loved this woman even though she had the ability to drive her to distraction. Some of the sorrow and loneliness of the last week lifted as Kate smiled gently accepting Caroline's apology.

'If it wasn't for those magnificent eyes of yours Caroline I would probably be on my way home right now, you need to be able to translate what I see in your eyes in to what I hear coming out of your mouth' Kate had said still with an edge to her voice.

'I will try' said Caroline quietly 'I promise'

Then yesterday yet another Elliot family crisis when there had been fears for the safety of Caroline's mother and her mother's partner Alan both of whom had managed to get themselves locked in a local stately home overnight. Comical to look back on it had caused both Caroline and Alan's daughter, Gillian, a stressful and sleepless night.

Kate had been surprised therefore when just before lunchtime she had received a call from Caroline asking her to meet her in the headmistress's office. 'Three weeks in a row' thought Kate 'Kissed on the first and dumped on the second visit to the head's office, I wonder what on earth Caroline's roller coaster ride has in store for me this week'.

Remembering what had occurred when the office door was firmly closed by Caroline made her heart race. Caroline had quite literally pounced on Kate, kissing her, as she never had before while allowing her hands to roam freely caressing Kate's soft skin under the silky material of her blouse.

Caroline claimed to be 'wired' due to lack of sleep and was certainly still in a state of shock after the worry of the previous evening. Kate sensed though that there was more to the sudden emergence of such amorous behavior on the part of the normally controlled Dr. Elliot than Caroline was currently willing to discuss, Kate made a mental note to try and gain a better understanding when the time was right.

The roller coaster ride continued its climb skywards as Caroline quickly agreed to meet Kate at the younger woman's home as soon as school was over for the day. After the passion of her kiss and Caroline's very direct statement of what she wanted to do to Kate the language teacher was in no doubt about what her headmistress expected when she reached the house that afternoon.

So here she sat, waiting for Caroline, thinking back over the last few weeks, knowing that her journey with this beautiful magnificent woman was only just beginning.


	9. Chapter 9

As Caroline walked up to Kate's house she was a bundle of nerves but nonetheless determined to finally take control of her life and to stop worrying so much what others might think or expect of her….well at least she was going to have a damn good try.

The last twenty four hours had shown Caroline how truly miserable she had become. She had also admitted to herself that this wasn't a recent change of mood; she had fallen out of love with John long before he had left her and in recent years only her boys and her job had kept her going. Now she wanted more, she still wasn't sure quite how this 'more' was to be defined but she was rapidly coming to believe that Kate McKenzie was imperative to any future happiness she may be able to achieve.

So here she was, Dr. Caroline Elliot at the start of the rest of her life, and there was Kate smiling at her from inside the house, welcoming her to her home, possibly, hopefully, welcoming her to the rest of their lives – just possibly.

Once inside Kate's house their first embrace had been interrupted by a call from Gillian to ask what size knickers Caroline's mother wore. The bizarre nature of this call left both women laughing and diffused some of the tension there had been in the air. Unfortunately though the hiatus also gave Caroline time to become self-conscious and Kate began to think that if she allowed this break to continue the afternoon could go horribly wrong.

Moving quickly Kate took Caroline in her arms and brought their lips together in a gentle kiss. Kate was delighted by the passion of Caroline's response and their kisses grew deeper and more intimate. Breaking free for breath Kate gently stroked the blonde woman's face and looked deep into her eyes.

'Are you sure Caroline' she asked 'there is no rush'

'Kate, last night I truly thought my mother was dead and that made me take a long hard look at my life, myself and my future. I found that there wasn't much there to cling on to, in fact apart from my family, obviously excluding my shallow prat of a husband, you were the only person in the world that meant anything to me. But more than that, I realized I have been living a lie for twenty five years and even when you offered me a lifeline I was too scared to allow you to pull me free from the morass of my life.'

'I am too old to old to pretend any more, I want you Kate, I want you so much it hurts, so yes, in answer to your question I am sure but…..'

Caroline paused

'Kate I'm still sacred on so many levels. Oh sure I've had sex before but never with a woman and I'm scared I won't be able to…' Caroline blushed and swallowed nervously.

"I'm scared I won't make you feel how special I think you are, or even worse that I will leave you completely unsatisfied because of my ineptness.'

Kate was about to speak but Caroline placed a gentle finger against her lips.

'I need to say one more thing Kate, please let me finish'

Kate took Caroline's hand and sat waiting.

'Now this I admit is pretty silly and I know it is only my vanity speaking but Kate you are so beautiful and…well….umm….I…..umm'.

Kate didn't think it was possible but Caroline's fair skin took on an even deeper flush as she continued.

'Uh, Kate the last time I got naked in front of anyone for the first time I was twenty three and I hadn't had two children. I do a damn good job of creating an illusion to cover the aging process but that illusion isn't going to work when I'm naked and I'm scared….I'm scared you'll be disappointed.'

Kate looked into those beautiful azure blue eyes.

'Caroline, you are magnificent, you are one of the sexiest women I have ever seen and your attraction is only heightened because you are so unaware of the effect you create, particularly it seems of the effect you have on me. First times can be difficult for anyone but if we trust each other there isn't going to be a problem, do you trust me Caroline?'

The older woman nodded mutely.

With an impish grin Kate continued

'Besides, you have always countersigned my appraisals so you know I am a very good teacher.'

Caroline pulled Kate into a close embrace and bringing her lips to Kate's ear whispered in a voice raw with emotion and desire

'I am sure… I am very sure'

'Then lets take this upstairs' said Kate.

Once inside the bedroom Kate stroked the older woman's face before taking her lips in a deep lingering kiss. Moving beyond Caroline's lips Kate left a trail of feather light kisses down the length Caroline's neck and across the top of the older woman's breasts until she reached the hollow at the top of that magnificent cleavage.

Caroline shivered at the sensations Kate's kisses were creating and ran her fingers through her lover's dark hair. Feeling as if every touch of Kate's lips generated an electric shock that flowed through her entire body she moaned deep in her throat.

Kate was so gentle and kept her lover so entranced with the sensations that her lips were creating that Caroline hardly noticed her clothes being removed. Suddenly sensing her nakedness Caroline felt very exposed and completely out of control. Panicking slightly she tried to use her arms to shield herself from Kate's gaze

'No love, let me see you' said Kate tenderly

Enfolding the trembling woman in her arms Kate said huskily

'Caroline, you are magnificent, how could you have ever thought I would be disappointed.'

'Trust me Caroline' said Kate looking into her lovers beautiful blue eyes, eyes that looked back into Kate's and wordlessly spoke of absolute trust.

Caroline watched in awe as Kate removed the last of her own clothes

'Caroline, I want to make love to you but you need to guide me, tell me when something feels good, don't be afraid to say stop is something doesn't work for you or you feel uncomfortable, ok?'

Caroline nodded, struck dumb by the beauty that was Kate McKenzie.

Stroking, licking and kissing Kate explored her lover's glorious body, particularly focusing on those areas that when gently massaged, kissed or nipped made Caroline gasp and squirm in pleasure.

Kate delighting in being able to give such pleasure to Caroline while herself being able to glory first hand at the magnificence of Caroline's full breasts, shapely hips and toned legs. Parting those wonderful legs Kate had continued her task kissing and nipping the soft flesh of Caroline's inner thighs before moving back to claim Caroline's mouth in a deep kiss.

Caroline's hips had started to rock and she whispered 'Kate, please, please….'

Finally bringing her hand to rest Kate felt the wetness that the exploration of her lover's body had caused. The gentle ministrations of Kate's hand sent shock waves to the core of Caroline's being and she rapidly climaxed her body shuddering with repeated waves of pleasure. Kate held her until the tremors racking her body diminished and she was able to breath once more.

Looking into her lovers dark eyes Caroline whispered huskily 'Thank you, thank you for making me whole' then lent forward onto Kate's chest and wept while the younger woman held her in the safety of her arms.


	10. Chapter 10

Caroline reached for a tissue from the bedside table, dried her tears and took a deep breath and started to speak haltingly, seemingly deep from within herself

"I know it must seem silly to cry like that Kate but for years I have thought about what making love with a woman might be like, I don't mean simply the physical act … I mean how I would feel, here, in my heart, in my very soul. I've dreamt about this day for years and lately, since knowing you, even fantasized about it but in all honesty I never thought I would find out.'

'It was so easy to be conventionally married, it was expected, it fitted with the lifestyle, but as I've said I always knew there was a part of me I was denying. Desiring a woman, being with a woman, well that required courage and I never thought I would be able to find that courage, never allow myself to find the real me.'

'Shit, I sound pathetic even to my own ears, sorry Kate I'm killing the moment.'

Kate's eyes were misty as she looked at the older woman. The love she felt for Caroline was deepening with every layer of her character she exposed, with every new level of understanding she gained.

'No, go on' said Kate

Caroline smiled and lifted a hand to caress Kate's face. 'Kate, what I just experienced, emotionally and physically was so much more than I have ever experienced before, so much better than any dream or any pathetic fantasy could be. It was quite literally like coming home after years of struggle. You were incredible, so tender, so gentle, and yet so passionate. You made me feel like I was the epicenter of your universe and for the first time in my life I was truly happy in my own skin, hence the tears, tears of joy. Totally inadequate I know but, thank you Kate, thank you for being you.'

'Absolutely no thanks required' said the younger woman pulling Caroline back into her arms 'I thoroughly enjoyed myself exploring this magnificent body'

Stroking Caroline's back feeling the gentle tremors that coursed through the older woman in response to even her lightest touch, Kate planted kisses down Caroline's neck and across her shoulder murmuring as she went 'You have no idea how many times I have fantasized about being allowed to do this.'

Looking up and stroking Caroline's face Kate said 'You really are an incredibly sexy woman, watching you strut your stuff in the corridors at school is one of my secret pleasures. In fact I think you caught me ogling you once, do you remember – I wouldn't like to say how far my fantasy had got when you spotted me.'

Caroline chuckled but deflected the compliment saying quietly

'You are so beautiful Kate'

Caroline's eyes darkened with renewed desire as she raised her hands to cup Kate's breasts and run her thumbs over the hardening dark brown nipples. Lowering her head Caroline murmured 'So beautiful' before starting to explore Kate's breasts with her mouth slowly moving her focus to each nipple in turn before moving on to lick and kiss the sensitive skin in the valley between the younger woman's breasts.

Kate's breath caught in her throat at Caroline's touch then she gasped in surprise as Caroline pulled her down the bed and rolled over on top of her. Reveling in the full-length contact of their bodies Caroline pressed her lips against Kate's soft inviting mouth instigating a series of kisses that left both women breathless.

'Those hidden depths again Dr. Elliot' said Kate close to Caroline's ear. The throaty whisper of her lover, so unlike Kate's normal voice, and the feel of the younger woman's soft breath gently caressing her drove Caroline's desire to new heights.

Trailing kisses down Kate's toned abdomen, feeling the muscles tremble at her touch Caroline gently parted Kate's legs appreciating the warm heady scent of the younger woman's arousal as she did so. Using only the knowledge of her own body and Kate's responsiveness to guide her Caroline used her tongue to explore Kate's warm wet centre.

Kate gasped and grabbed handfuls of the sheet as Caroline drove her ever closer to the edge.

'Caroline, Caroline….you said you'd never been with a woman ….where…. how come you're so good at this.'

Caroline raised her head and smiled 'Instinct I guess and the inspiration that is Kate McKenzie.'

About to return to her most enjoyable task Caroline was surprised when Kate reached out to cup her face and said breathlessly

'Not this way love, not the first time. I'm so close but the first time I want to come looking at you, looking into those beautiful eyes.

'Caroline moved rapidly back up the bed until she was again in full contact with Kate's glorious body. 'You're wish is my command' she smiled as she locked eye contact with younger woman.

Kate gasped a second time in surprise as Caroline gently pushed her leg between Kate's and rolled onto her back pulling Kate up to sit astride her headmistress. Kate groaned as she felt Caroline's thigh push against her centre.

Caroline was enraptured, she had never seen anything so glorious, never experienced anything so erotic as looking up at the lithe beauty straddling her. As the younger woman's movements became more urgent Caroline gently introduced her hand to help her reach her climax.

'Caroline, oh my God, Caroline' the younger woman called out as her muscles tensed and her body arched in ecstasy.

As the waves of pleasure started to diminish Kate fell forward and Caroline enfolded her in her arms, pulling her close and listening as the dark woman's heart slowed and her breathing returned to normal.

Nuzzling in and gently kissing her lover Kate murmured 'You're way too good for a first timer Elliot, are you telling me everything?'

Slightly sheepishly Caroline laughed and said 'Well I have always been good at research'

'Hmmm, research is all very well' said the younger woman 'but lets not forget that its practice that makes perfect'

Smiling Kate again leant in to place a lingering kiss on the blonde woman's lips.

Resting comfortably in Kate's arms Caroline remembered her conversation with John earlier in the day.

'I don't know if its what I want entirely yet' she had said ' but I won't know if I don't try'

Now she did know, this was what she wanted more than anything she had ever wanted before. She also knew that even if she wasn't yet able to say it out loud she was falling in love with Kate McKenzie and couldn't bear that thought of their not being together.

'Kate'

'Mmm' responded the younger woman nuzzling against Caroline's neck

'Kate, I've made a decision'

Kate opened her eyes and looked at Caroline.

'I want you to be a very real part of my life from now on, I want to tell my mother and the boys about us, so that we can be together more openly, at least in our home life. Are, would…umm… you be OK with me telling them?'

'Oh Caroline' said Kate taking the older woman's breath away with a look that spoke only of love.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Bit of a delay since my last update due to ****work and family. Nearly decided to stop this fanfic but I like getting into the minds of Caroline and Kate in the scenes we all know so well so decided to continue. Hope you like this update**

Sitting alone in her living room Caroline put down the book she was attempting to read and thought back over the events of the day.

The time she had spent with Kate had been wonderful, in truth she hadn't wanted to leave the peace and tranquility she had found in Kate's arms but she knew she had responsibilities that couldn't be ignored. If, as she had said, she wanted to make Kate a very real part of her life she had to think about how she was going to tell William and Lawrence, and of course how she was going to tell her mother.

The thought of telling the boys and Celia filled her with a level of anxiety that nobody who knew her in her professional life would find at all credible. Disclosing her innermost feelings, at least those beyond normal levels of maternal or filial love, had always been extremely difficult for Caroline and she had never learnt that it was alright to let those she loved, and who loved her, see how vulnerable she so often felt.

She had told John almost as soon as she had arrived home. He had still been wound up by her earlier announcement that she was seeing someone and kept badgering her. Strangely she had told John that she had found someone she both loved and trusted; did she mean it or was she just trying to hurt him the way he had hurt her. She had certainly been overwhelmed both by Kate and by their love making but maybe it was still a bit soon for grand declarations of love, even to herself. Caroline smiled ruefully as she remembered the look of astonishment and disbelief that had stolen across John's face when she had told him that the person she was seeing was not a man. Caroline wasn't a vindictive woman but John had hurt her very badly and there was a certain amount of solace to be found in his reaction.

Where John had gone when he stormed out of the house Caroline knew not and cared less, as far as she was concerned the sooner she could sever her attachment with her faithless husband the better. Slightly shocked at this thought she suddenly realized she had finally moved on, the time of indecision was past, she was ready to accept the change that had been forced on her and to forge a new future for herself and the boys, a future that she hoped would in some way also include Kate McKenzie.

Her mind spun back though to how to tell the boys and her mother. William and Lawrence had had to endure so much in the past few months. She and John had behaved very badly as their relationship had deteriorated and she often felt ashamed about just how much of the break up they had allowed the boys to witness. Caroline had never tried to use the boys against John or to get them to take her side against their father but she did recognize that William was very much her son and that his relationship with John was starting to fracture. Lawrence was another matter entirely, he was still very young however much he tried to play the tough teenager and all he really wanted was his old life back with both Mum and Dad there for love and support.

Irrespective of the different ways in which William and Lawrence may currently view the break up of their parents marriage she was sure that they were both going to be equally shocked by her openly admitting she was gay. Caroline also knew that both boys would be worried about how their friends at school would react if knowledge of her relationship with Kate leaked out.

'Leaked out' she thought 'there's a Freudian slip. Do I still see this as some sordid little affair to be kept a closely guarded secret.'

Recognition and respect were important to Caroline, she relished the status her position as headmistress bestowed and had always been comfortable in the belief that her mother and the boys were proud of her. Was she really prepared to put all that at risk?

'Oh God' thought Caroline 'I told Michael Bloody Dobson that it was 2012 and that the that the ladies had landed but I do I really believe that, will I be able to cope with the sniggering children, the gossiping adults and the snide remarks.'

Then she remembered the tenderness of Kate McKenzie, the passion they had shared and how, in Kate's arms, she had for the first time in her life felt complete and at peace. Caroline knew that there was nothing sordid about what she and Kate had shared; her intensely private nature meant that she would prefer it didn't become too public, too soon, she like the boys needed time to adjust to this change. But, however difficult it might be, she knew that she would find a way to support the boys and show them that she would always be there for them; and that she would find the strength to face up to the gossip.

More relaxed now she felt herself drifting into sleep until suddenly there was William gently waking her and telling her she should go to bed.

Caroline looked quizzically at her elder son as he sat down beside her and seemed to be mustering his courage to ask a question.

'Are you seeing someone'?

Caroline felt as if all the air had been knocked out of her. She may have spent time tonight rationalizing how she was going to tell the boys but she wasn't prepared for this conversation being precipitated quite so suddenly and unexpectedly. She started to panic and fell back on her tactic of turning a question back on the questioner in a desperate attempt to gain time and muster her thoughts.

William's reply was amazing; he was happy if the person she was seeing deserved her. Caroline looked fondly at William and wondered what she had done to deserve such a son.

'OK' she thought 'take the first step, tell him your seeing someone'

'Oh God, he just asked if I'm seeing Kate McKenzie' thoughts ran through Caroline's head with the staccato rattle of a machine gun.

'How could he possibly know'

'What is he thinking'

'What on earth should I say'

'This was so important'

'What if I screw this up'

Caroline floundered in her attempt to reply stumbling over her words unable to acknowledge her feelings for Kate out loud. Again she fell back on the tactic of turning her reply into a question.

William saw and understood her difficulty and gently affirmed his liking for Kate and his support of Caroline and Kate's relationship. Caroline felt relief wash over her and her heart nearly burst with the love she felt for her son. He hadn't judged her, he had put her happiness first ahead of any of the concerns he must surely have about how her relationship may affect him.

William seemed to be maturing before her eyes. Her pride in her son was tinged with some sadness as she saw the shadow of the man he would become start to appear from within the boy she loved so much. Their relationship was undoubtedly changing but she believed it would only grow stronger and be a lasting joy for the rest of her life.

Then the clock chimed midnight and the boy was back. William gave her a birthday card with that look, the one that always melted her heart, the look that brought to mind so clearly the toddler stumbling towards her clasping, as she remembered, a very sticky and dog eared card that John had helped him to make.

Caroline pulled William into her arms and held him close. She wanted Kate in her life so badly but she didn't want to hurt her boys. That was her challenge and she was determined that she wasn't going to fail.


	12. Chapter 12

Kate's eyelids flickered as the late afternoon sun played across her room encouraging her slow return to the conscious world. Feeling the weight of an arm loosely draped over her middle and the warmth radiating from the body of her lover beside her Kate smiled in sheer contentment.

Turning carefully so as not to disturb the other woman Kate allowed herself the luxury of watching Caroline as she slept. This was the first time she had been able to indulge herself in this way and she wanted to make the most of her opportunity.

It had been a tough week for the older woman; she had been outed to her mother by her idiot husband, the ripples of which cruelty had caught her younger son in its wake, and caused untold distress for Caroline.

At school Kate had carefully observed her lover in full headmistress mode, outwardly in control, but she had been able to see the tell tale signs of stress around Caroline's eyes and in the set of her jaw. Kate knew that Caroline loved her mother dearly, that theirs was not a relationship predicated only on duty, and that Caroline had been deeply hurt by Celia's rejection. Kate had watched nervously wondering if Caroline would buckle under her mother's pressure to conform or be swayed from her chosen path by the obvious distress it was causing her younger son.

Indeed, when Caroline turned up on her doorstep early that Sunday morning Kate had half expected to be politely but firmly dumped yet again. Nothing however could have been further from the truth.

'Kate, I'm sorry to turn up so unexpectedly but I knew you had said you were having a quiet Sunday at home and I wanted to surprise you' said Caroline looking slightly anxious in case she was assuming too much.

There was another one of those little flashes of vulnerability that Caroline occasionally allowed Kate to see. Insights into the real Caroline Elliot that Kate found incredibly moving. Standing in the early morning sun Kate had to stop herself from kissing Caroline right there on her doorstep, instead she invited Caroline in and pulled her into her arms as soon as the door was closed.

Kate held Caroline in a tight embrace as she kissed the older woman, playfully at first but then with deepening passion, Caroline was taken slightly by surprise but needed no encouragement to respond enthusiastically to the younger woman's embrace.

'Good morning love' said Kate finally breaking away and smiling into the slightly glazed blue eyes of her headmistress.

'Wow!' said Caroline and offered up a wonky smile of appreciation.

'Erm' said Caroline slowly regaining her composure 'I wondered if you would like to go out for the day, maybe into the Dales, we could take a walk and have some time to ourselves away from the complexity and madness of the day to day.'

"I would love to' said Kate, she did indeed like being outside amongst the rolling landscape of Yorkshire but her heart also skipped a beat at being able to spend a whole day with Caroline, a day when there would be little risk of them being interrupted, a day when she could have Caroline all to herself.

Caroline sat downstairs waiting for Kate to get ready. She had opted to stay in the living room rather than go upstairs and chat with Kate as she got dressed because she was fairly sure that if she entered Kate's bedroom right now they would spend the whole day in bed. Not that that wasn't a delightful prospect but Caroline loved nature and wanted to share some of her passion with Kate, she also wanted to be as far away from Harrogate and, as she had said to Kate, from the 'day to day' as possible. She needed Kate to ease her wounded heart and the beauty of nature to restore her soul.

'Ready love' said Kate appearing suddenly and breaking Caroline's reverie.

After a short drive on the main road west out of Harrogate they turned north following the Wharfe past Bolton Abbey, through Kettlewell and on to Buckden where they took the narrow road that continued alongside the river as it cascaded over limestone shelves near Yockenthwaite.

Pulling off the road Caroline turned to Kate, took her hand and gently kissed her palm before claiming her lips.

'Shall we take a walk?' asked Caroline

They strolled along the river for about an hour enjoying each other's company and the beauty of the landscape around them, a landscape that was just coming to life after a long hard winter. Caroline had an extensive knowledge of how the landscape had been formed, and of the flora and fauna that populated the environment alongside the river, a knowledge that she shared easily with Kate allowing the younger woman to see for the first time what an exceptional teacher Caroline must have been before she turned her talents to the administration of an entire school.

Kate wished Caroline would take her hand or link arms as they walked but even in this relatively remote area Caroline was uncomfortable with any overt display of affection between them. This is going to take time thought Kate.

When they got back to the car Caroline pulled a rug and a picnic basket from the back of the jeep and led them to a sheltered spot that was bathed in the early spring sunshine. When unpacked it was very obvious to the younger woman that Caroline had prepared a picnic with her girlfriend in mind.

'Caroline this is lovely but you shouldn't have gone to so much trouble, I'm a good Yorkshire girl, a pub lunch would have sufficed'

Caroline put down her glass and turned a smoldering look on the younger woman, a look that took Kate's breath away and left her feeling ever so slightly giddy.

'Nothing is too much trouble for you Kate McKenzie' said Caroline in all seriousness leaning in for another kiss.

Kate was slightly surprised by this overt gesture in public but then realized that Caroline had carefully selected their position, not only were they protected from the elements, they were also screened from the road and from the footpath that ran by the river. They were essentially in a very private spot while still being able to enjoy the beauty of upper Wharfedale.

On realizing the advantage of their position Kate moved closer to her lover and was delighted when Caroline pulled her in to rest against her leaving her arm around the younger woman.

The two women chatted easily and for once Caroline listened as Kate talked about her life.

'My father Joseph is Nigerian' said Kate 'he came to the UK in the early 60's just after Nigeria gained independence. He planned to study English at Leeds before training as a teacher. He says he always intended to go home to Nigeria but then he met my mother at training college, fell in love and never left Yorkshire.'

'Where the surname McKenzie comes from is a bit of a family mystery, we always assume a nineteenth century Scottish adventurer somewhere in our blood line' laughed Kate.

'My mother Catherine, I got the abbreviated form; her family was solid working class Yorkshire with deep roots in this area. My mother broke the mould and held out for a University education, the first in her family not to leave school and head straight into the mills, or the pits if you were a boy.'

'I can't imagine what my parents went through, a black man with a white woman was a tough act in the late 60's, it certainly wasn't all soft and cosy like 'Guess Who's Coming to Dinner', you know the film with Sidney Poitier. But… both my parents are strong doughty fighters and they had a bond that held them together through the worst of times. I have always envied them that bond.'

'My father started to show symptoms of Alzheimer's about 5 years ago, he was only 66. My mother cared for him at home as long as she could but he's now in the late middle stage of the disease and needs residential care. I miss being able to talk with him, to tell him of my triumphs and disasters, I would love to tell him about you but he wouldn't remember'.

'Does your Mum know about me' asked Caroline

'Oh yes' Kate laughed again 'I told her about my magnificent headmistress after my first day at Sulgrave Heath. She knows we have been growing closer over the past few weeks, I haven't told her yet that we are anything more than very close friends but that's only because I haven't had the chance to have a good long chat with her since your birthday. She knows I'm a lesbian.'

'Is she OK with that, sorry that's maybe a bit personal' said Caroline

'No, don't be silly. When I came out to my Mum, after my marriage with Richard broke up, she took the news in her stride. It's love that counts she said, if you can find someone you love, who loves you then it doesn't really matter if they are man or woman, black or white. I think her tolerance stems from the bigotry she and my father experienced in the early days of their marriage. She never told me the worst of their experiences but I can imagine, growing up as the daughter of a mixed marriage in the 70's wasn't always easy.'

Caroline pulled Kate closer trying to offer her wordless support and comfort, this woman had had a broader life experience than Caroline had expected and the older woman was stunned by the grace and tranquility with which Kate accepted the highs and lows life had tossed in her path.

Caroline was just forming a polite question about Richard when Kate suddenly shivered and said

'I'm getting chilly, should we be making a move'

The drive back to Harrogate was uneventful and as they pulled up outside Kate's house the younger woman placed her hand on Caroline's thigh and asked

'Are you coming in, do you have time'

'Please' said Caroline 'the boys won't be home until early evening so I have plenty of time'

Once inside Caroline took Kate's hand in hers and led her towards the stairs

'Take me to bed Kate' she said simply.

Kate was surprised and delighted by Caroline's new found assertiveness. This time there was none of the hesitancy or shyness that had characterized their previous lovemaking. Caroline wanted to see and explore every inch of her lover and showed no reluctance in guiding Kate to meet her own desire.

Kate had always thought that Caroline was incredibly sexy but their lovemaking this afternoon allowed her to see that the hidden depths she had always suspected actually shrouded a very passionate woman who was willing to share herself unequivocally with her lover.

Still the only one awake, Kate continued to look down at the still sleeping Caroline and sighed.

'I love you Caroline Elliot' she whispered

It had been a magnificent day, the first Kate hoped of many such days but, for now, she wanted nothing more than to nestle back into Caroline's embrace and enjoy the soft intimate contact of skin on skin for just a little longer.


End file.
